Okay folks! I’ve begun the process of soliciting some movie reviews. When they come in I’m gonna get em to post once a week.
NEXT FROM ME, though, is gonna be this marvelous piece of shit. I had to own it. I know you all understand.

Okay folks! I’ve begun the process of soliciting some movie reviews. When they come in I’m gonna get em to post once a week.

NEXT FROM ME, though, is gonna be this marvelous piece of shit. I had to own it. I know you all understand.

In our ramp up to new content here on the Talkies, check out an AMA from The Room’s co-star, Greg Sestero. Learn about our favourite bad movie!

In our ramp up to new content here on the Talkies, check out an AMA from The Room’s co-star, Greg Sestero. Learn about our favourite bad movie!

Anonymous said: Hey I've got a bad movie rec if that's okay?? It's called Freaked, it's directed by Bill from Bill and Ted and it is truly straight up insane. Keanu Reeves is in it as a dogboy, Randy Quaid is freak maker, bobcat goldthwait is the voice of a character who is a sock with eyes, mr t is the bearded lady and david bowie is also in it. AND it cost $12,000,000 and only made $29,296. It. Is. Bananas. I think it would be fun to write about. luvu x

tramampoline:

oh my god what

i need to see this

honestly it’s so imperative that i don’t forget about this that i’m putting it here

Sooooooo in light of all that’s happened this is just my blog now. A lot of you came for Josh and that’s cool! This does allow me to shake up the format though!

This is going to be a bad movies blog that will not focus on me but that’ll take submissions from friends and fans and whatnot! Full-length movies reviews, still. Try to have some screenshots, still.

I mean by all means leave if you wanna no one’s stoppin’ ya

but this train ain’t quite parked in the station yet

We suck we suck we fucked up we’re trash

OK so we don’t want this blog to die but we’ve built up a bit of a backlog because we were busy and now we’re a different kind of busy. 

Stuff we promised to do and will still do:

  • Collaborative post on The Room (we’ve seen it twice in theatres since our last post and met Tommy Wiseau)
  • Birdemic 2 (This one’s on Josh)
  • Foodfight! Live Watch (This one’s on both of us)

BUT since me and Josh are currently separated a large distance, in the meantime I can totally write about one of the bad movies I’ve watched in the last few months, or possibly have another guest post.

  • From Justin to Kelly
  • Dahmer vs. Gacy
  • Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
  • Super Mario Bros
  • Bee Movie
  • Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
  • Freddy Got Fingered
  • Howard the Duck
  • Reign of Fire
  • Kangaroo Jack

Now I would argue that at least two of these are masterpieces but we’re going with critically maligned here.

That said, which do you want me, Matt, to cover?

"Because the title has a special meaning to me… and, at the time, I thought about a special place. A private place, a place where you can be safe, and it’s not a room, but it’s The Room! I thought that I think that a lot people were relate to it. So, the room is a place where you can go, you can have a good time, you have a bad time, and, a safe place!"

— Tommy Wiseau, on why The Room was called The Room

(via confusedtree-deactivated2013092)

The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure

Guest post by Derek

image

2012, Directed by Matthew Diamond

First off, I’d like to thank Matt and Josh for letting me come in as a ringer. Here’s hoping I don’t fuck up too bad and make a couple of enemies in the process.

I want to talk about flops for a second. I want to talk about financial cinematic disasters. I want to talk about movies that finished in the red, and how that ties into notions relative quality. Obviously, much in the same way that truly heinous films can make an astronomical amount of bank, great movies can go unwatched during their initial run (hell, The Wizard of Oz had to be re-released ten years after its first go-round just to turn a profit).

What I’m getting to is that there’s no correlation between gross and quality… most of the time. Once you start exploring the lower rungs of the financial failure totem pole, the vast majority of the films there share at least one quality: shittiness. There are a lot of limited-release films in this particularly noxious circle of cinematic hell (including new arrival InAPPropriate Comedy, a massively unfunny turd co-written and directed by Vince “The ShamWow Guy” Offer that I hope the guys cover here in the future), but a few wide-release films fester among them. These are movies that, despite playing on over 2000 screens when they opened, did not even manage to pay pack the screen time they used up. But Shit Mountain can only have one true sovereign, so you’d best bow down to The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. It is, mathematically speaking, the single-biggest box office flop of all time. And let me tell you, it’s a title it fucking earns.

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Hey dudes! I guess you probably noticed we haven’t been posting! This is due to EXCESSIVE LAZINESS and also that we’re busy!

I (Matt) have watched over a dozen bad movies since my last post and I will likely write about all of them but MOST IMPORTANTLY, me and Josh are going to be going to a SCREENING OF THE ROOM IN TORONTO for Josh’s birthday.

Expect a nice video review to follow ;)

Until then, we’ll try to get something else up! Sorry for the wait!!

Alpha and Omega

By Matt

image

2010, Directed by Anthony Bell and Ben Gluck

I think one of the best ways to describe Alpha & Omega is “tragically misguided”. The story is pretty simple and by the books: forbidden lovers of differing social classes (though I’m pretty sure Alpha/Omega pack theory has mostly fallen entirely by the wayside) fall in love and yadda yadda. I don’t THINK that the intention was to create a thinly veiled DeviantArt fuckwolf fest but that’s basically what happened.

While the story is pretty damn boring and by the books there’s just something about the decisions made in the production of this movie that baffle me and that’s what I’m going to focus on.

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We’re not dead, we swear! Just busy!

Back to your regularly scheduled programming soon.